Help Wanted: GOP Diversity Coordinator

The Republican Party is staffing up in preparation for the 2016 presidential election. This job description was inserted in the programs of the American Heritage Ideas Conference and Gun Show held in Toledo, Ohio last month.


Help Wanted: GOP Diversity Coordinator

Job Description

The GOP, Party of Lincoln, is seeking a diversity coordinator. The coordinator will work directly with the Koch brothers to increase the number of minorities in the Party. The minorities to be recruited include, but are not limited to the following groups: white divorcees over 60; black grandmothers who love Jesus and tithe generously; Cubans; Filipino nurses; 'confirmed bachelors' who are white; Nigerian and Indian doctors working at major medical centers; mentally ill gun enthusiasts; recent converts to Christianity (Catholicism counts for the purposes of diversity); and any heterosexual man or woman who has completed at least two weeks of intensive gay conversion therapy. Also, black men interested in GOP membership must pass a background check.

This job requires extensive travel throughout the United States, but specifically to: Florida; California, east of Interstate 5; Indiana; Oklahoma; and any other locales where minority GOP recruits could be found. 

The role of GOP diversity coordinator is an exciting opportunity for the right person. The ideal candidate must be well-versed in Obama's history as a racist, Socialist-Marxist, Muslim overlord and Hillary's lesbianism. A key requirement for the position is slow dancing with Governor Scott Walker when he desires the light touch of a warm body against his frigid skin.

Good public speaking skills are essential. The best candidate for this job is well versed in race-baiting and inciting panic about the Homosexual Agenda. The ability to make up absurd talking points to justify the GOP's positions is a must. Applicants with Spanish language surnames and a virulent hatred of Mexican immigrants are highly encouraged to apply.

Please send your cover letter and qualifications via U.S. mail or fax. No online applications will be accepted. Senator Lindsey Graham does not send emails and neither do we. The Republican Party strongly believes in plausible deniability. God Bless America! 

The Republican Party
c/o Hope, Patriotism, Victory (HPV) Center
1984 El Pendejo Road
White City, Oklahoma 73116
Attention: Stacey Dash