Friday, February 20, 2015

American exceptionalism is the new AP History


Oklahoma State Representative and patriot Dan Fisher (R) has rescinded his proposed bill to effectively ban AP U.S. History courses in Oklahoma public high schools. After serious prayer and hearing from outraged conservative donors who actually expect their children to learn shit, Fisher saw the shit stained light. The recalcitrant defender of the realm backpedalled faster than Rand Paul talking about the Civil Rights Act of 1964 on the Rachel Maddow show.

Before Dan Fisher pulled his bill, he commissioned independent American history experts at the local Chili's to develop the American Exceptionalism exam. The exam would use seminal sacred texts to test students on the accurate history of the United States.

Voracious DPC obtained a copy of some of the proposed questions on the American Exceptionalism exam.

1. If America were to adopt the original version of the U.S. Constitution as the law of the land, would mail order brides be considered 3/5 of a person?

2. Was President George W. Bush's use of the term 'strategerie,' an ingenious or brilliant way to confuse liberals with his greatness?
 
 
Source: The White House
 

3. Provide three examples of why God hates black people.
                     
Source: Smithsonian Digital Archive

4. Historically, what is the best way to find out if there are homosexuals and communists running rampant in the federal government?
5. When the Confederacy won the Civil War, did Jefferson Davis hang the treasonous scoundrel (and closeted Jewish homosexual) Abraham Lincoln himself, or did he ask his wife's friend's cousin Alexander Graham Bell to make Lincoln's death look like an accident?

6. Using 'The Holy Bible,' 'The Protocols of The Elders of Zion,' and 'Atlas Shrugged,' describe the key elements of the worldwide Jewish conspiracy.

7. Harry S. Truman went against the will of the people by desegregating the U.S. Armed Forces in 1948. What other treasonous actions have been taken by Democratic dictators since 1950?

True/False questions:

8. Was Harriet Tubman a voodoo terrorist who introduced AIDS to the United States?

9. Did Mexico sell the U.S. almost half of its territory in exchange for a crate of cast iron skillets?

10. Due to overforestation, too much clean water, and abundant healthy food sources, Native Americans were relieved when European colonists arrived. Weren’t they desperate to develop a large-scale market economy exploited by the few at the expense of the many?

   
Source: NYPL Digital Library

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